You know, maybe it would help if this About page was actually about me? That’d help.
(Copy-pastas from her old website, updates the stuff that no longer makes sense as this was written in 2006-ish, finds and posts her favorite picture, and…)
Nickname – Mad-Ness_Monster (sometimes simply Nessie)
Who – Self-depreciating, gently sarcastic self-proclaimed starving artist. Raging geek when it comes to cartoons; knows an awful lot about folklore and mythology as well. Noticeably pacifistic, overly empathetic, and (I have to say it, sorry) mostly harmless.
Where – Boston, MA (Often migrates north in the summer, but generally treats it as a huge deal if she leaves New England.)
Stats – Born on 3/12/78; Pisces (with a rising Libra and a moon in Taurus, if you’re dying to know); approximately 5 foot, 3 inches and 125 pounds in slippers; Irish and Polish with just enough Scottish genes in here to justify the handle; dark reddish-brown hair and, as they said in the Leo DeCaprio quickie bios, “dreamy blue-green eyes”; Crankizen since around 1999; Friend to all Crankylanders who are not outright trolls; Creative speller; Still thinks Skittles and fish and random Ministry lyrics are inherently amusing.
Special Powers – The Moonwalk, the Robot, and the Zero-G. Wait…
Stuff I Like – Animation, especially overlooked films, 80’s cartoons, “Simpsons” (up to season nine), “Futurama”, and “South Park”, and the classic Looney Tunes theatrical shorts. Voracious reader. Casual “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and “Star Trek TNG” fan though curiously not compelled to watch the reruns. Follower of “Lost”. I am able to listen to nearly anything besides country music.
I am also interested in animals and gardening. 😀
About The Website You Are Currently Reading – I started a little free Geocities website many years ago in 2002. Originally, I wished to rescue the best original writing from the original version of the website, “Mr. Cranky Rates the Movies” as the site was rumored to be either shutting down forever or moving to a new server. Cranky’s moved to a new server without (much) incident a year later and my plan was scrapped. Instead, the Geocities site (henceforth, the Old Realm) became a place for me to write about, basically, whatever. After a few years, I started writing reviews of the most insane movies and books I could find.
As Geocities is shutting down later this year (like it or not, this is the end of an Internet era), I have started this new site to rescue my reviews and my favorite features before the Old Realm vanishes into the Aether.
Q – “What the heck is this ‘Crankyland’ anyway?”
A – (Puts on dark glasses and twirls a bag of Swedish Fish in her hands.)
Unfortunately, nobody can be told what Crankyland is. You have to see it for yourself.
Q – “When did you become a Crankizen?”
A – I fell off the jungle gym and when I woke up, I was here!
Actually, ’round the summer of 1999, I think, I read an article in “Entertainment Weekly” or something, which had a list of humorous movie review sites. One of them was called “the Stinkers” (best known for their list of the worst movies of the year). They had an insanely extensive list of websites with reviews of bad movies, and tucked among these was “Mr. Cranky”. Assuming that this was another funny site with reviews of weird and/or bad movies, I went to check it out.
I read several of Cranky’s animated film reviews, missing the point of the site entirely, when I noticed what was going on in the forums. I think the first Cranky posts I ever read were parts of the almost mythical “Killer Alien Bunnies” fanfiction. That scared me away right quick.
I don’t know why, but I came back in the fall. I lurked for a while, then joined as a member some time in late December/early January. So, technically, New Years is my anniversary date. The thing is, for the whole year I was just posting really surreal nonsense. I don’t think I really became one with the Crankytrix until I started acting more normal around Halloween of 2000, during the Clone Wars.
Q – “Clone Wars?”
A – Don’t ask, don’t ask…
Q – “Is that ‘Epic’ movie really for real?”
A – Ayuh.
Q – “You have mocked the Great Prophet Keanu in your review of ‘Babes in Toyland‘. You shall pay!!!
With love from, the Keanuville townspeople.”
A – Like hell I did. Go read it again. And anyway, how the hell am I going to make fun of somebody with whom I am essentially on the same intellectual level? (Furthermore, I am a vocal supporter of the subsequent “Matrix” movies. So there.)
Q – Erm, what IS it with you Crankylanders and Keanu Reeves/fish/Skittles?
A – Simply put, they are the great trifecta of go-to Crankyland humor. Keanu Reeves/fish/Skittles are to Crankyland what Will Wheaton/Admiral Akbar/Domo-Kun are to FARK.
Which is to say that I don’t really understand it all either.
Q – “I wanna see nekkid pictures of you!”
A – No.
Q – “I heard that when Johnny Damon crashed into that other guy, it damaged all the nerve endings in his head, so now he can never cut his hair or he’ll be in head-exploding pain for four days. That true?”
A – I don’t believe it. But I’m too lazy to look it up. Do not mention Darth Damon in front of me. 😡
Q – “Every other Crankylander tends to be very vocal about their philosophies and political leanings. I have no idea what you are!”
A – My city has me down as a Demmy-crat, but my “real” political affiliation is the ever popular “Please, God, Do Not Let the Middle-Aged Rich Men Who Represent Me F___ Everything Up” ticket.
Q – “Tell me something I don’t know.”
A – Swedish Fish go bad after a few years. Blech.
Q – “You’ve written a lot of drinking games for movies; where’s the one for your website?”
A – Okay, drink when I say one of those things that I say and drink twice if I do it twice in the same feature. Drink when I make a joke only other Crankizens will get and drink again when I give a fellow Crankizen a shout-out. Drink when you get a cross-reference and drink yourself into a stupor if you get every single reference I have ever made anywhere in this website.
Big Reposting Project Log!
6/27/09 – So far this morning I set up the blog and experimented with it a bit. The first feature to be moved and reposted here was my review of Dancing the Dream. Seemed appropriate.
It’s weird how the very first post (just a test post) tends to vanish and reappear randomly. Good thing there’s nothing important on it. I’ve got five reviews up already and I guess I’ll keep going until I stop (probably when my shoulder has had enough.)
For the sake of streamlining, the post dates for when the features first appeared in The Realm in parenthesis.
I just discovered how the “more” tag works. This will keep the main page from getting too crowded.
OK, I’ve been working for nine hours; it’s time to quit for the day.
6/28/09 – I still have no idea why there’s a “Leave a comment” link. Weird. Probably not something that can be changed.
Anyway, going to try and get another seven reviews up.
(Much later…) Ugh.. up to fifty reviews. I hadn’t realized I’d written so much.
6/29/09 – Started again around eleven in the morning. I think I’ll go and re-evaluate the tags, now that I know that they are for all of WordPress instead of just my site.
Five-thirty in the afternoon and I’m up to 2008. I’m going to take another break.
July 1, 4:00 PM – I’m done saving the reviews? I’m really done. I suppose I ought to double-check everything.
OK, now that I’ve quickly checked over everything, I am satisfied with how everything looks right now. Maybe I will double check later when I am less exhausted.
The features will come over here sometime later this month.
July 23-26, 12:11 PM – Moved all the best features over here. The Halloween and Christmas features will appear just in time for their respective holidays. This means I can finally write some new stuff! Yay!!!