Posted by: Mad Ness Monster | 12/21/2011

The 2011 Edition of Nessie’s Last Minute Gift Guide!

I did a lot of traveling this year, so there is a cavalcade of insane things you could delight your friends with for the holiday season!  Let’s get right into it, shall we?

Why do they keep having Ariel as a child with LEGS???  The reason Ariel is cool is because she is a mermaid!  Who wants her in her lousy human form?
That said, at least both Tiana and Rapunzel were shown as kids in their respective movies, so I have less of a problem with that.

Sometimes I post these pictures and I have nothing to add to them to make them funnier.  From now on, I’ll just post them without comment.

And so, the “Friendship is Magic” gang joins the ranks of the Simpsons and Ren and Stimpy and many others as Animated Characters Who Do Not Translate Well To Three Dimensions.

So here is a device that enables you to correctly hold a ice cream cone without having it melt all over you.  If you give it to a child, you are silently telling the parents, “I am depriving your child of their first and most important lesson in applied physics.”  If you give it to a friend, you are silently telling them, “You fail at life.”

How is it that some of the cutest characters end up as the most terrifying toys?

*…sigh…*

In the flagship LL Bean store in Freeport, there is an exhibit called “The Final Charge”.  It is a mount of two huge bull moose who died after their antlers became entangled during a fight.  It’s a spectacular display with a great, tragic story behind it.
And here it is in adorable stuffed animals form.

Every year I think we’ve seen the last of the post-Boogie Bass singing animals, I am proven wrong.

I’ll admit it took me a minute to really believe what I was looking at here.  And they are personalized, for that extra special touch.

These are little figurines you can hang off of things like planters, lampshades, etc.  Yup.

This is one of those cases where I don’t know what to add.

As is this.

And this.

I wonder what kids today think when they see these huge carts full of Beanie Babies?  I mean, how in the world do you explain that to somebody who wasn’t there?

OK, this one’s going to take a bit of explaining.  Near the flagship LL Bean store is a restaurant that is run by one of the LL Bean people.  In the basement of the restaurant, where you can wait to be seated, is a gift shop and a “Lobster Theater”.  The theater is, in actuality, a tank with live lobsters inside that you are allowed to pet, before you go up and eat their fellows.
Sometimes, I don’t understand New England and I live here.

It really is kind of astonishing what the officially licensed “Avatar” costumes look like.

I wonder, if you did a poll of people around my age, how many of us actually ever LIKED “Annie”.

Would we still eat them if they really looked like this?

I’m pretty sure this is why we can’t have nice things.

Isn’t this a rude gesture in some parts of the world?

I mentioned these Disney/”Star Wars” crossovers in an earlier edition of this feature, and I made note of how confusing they are.  I like how the painter here appeared to throw Disney characters into a few “Star Wars” roles, realized Han-Donald and Minnie-Leia made no sense, and gave up.

And finally, the perfect present for everyone on your list!  Happy Holidays, everyone!

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Related Links:

Onion AV Club Cheap Toy Roundup 2011


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