Posted by: Mad Ness Monster | 04/03/2010

“The Matrix Reloaded” Review

You know, I really ought to make you wait four years for this review, so that you can get the full effect.
So here we are about to delve into the… less loved entries in the “Matrix” trilogy. And I am apparently the only person who liked them. So lonely… 😦

The Best Parts:
4 minutes in – “WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLT!!!!!?????!!!!!” 🙂
5 minutes in – Don’t we all. 😦
10 minutes in – “Flying over my town! / Flying over some stuff! / Flying over people! / I can see a bird…”
13 minutes in – Power loader!
15 minutes in – “Yeah, hi, Kid.” (Exasperated eye-roll.)
18 minutes in – Kinda looks like a more industrial UMass.
20 minutes in – Being Jesus’ girlfriend = awkward. 😦
25 minutes in – “Let us dance our cares away! Worries for another day!”
28 minutes in – The Infamous Zion Rave Scene!
Also, fan disservice. Lots and lots of it.
31 minutes in – Just tell her!
33 minutes in – I have no idea what just happened but I don’t think it’s a good thing.
36 minutes in – “But it didn’t stop the crazy fan-theories.”
38 minutes in – The Triforce!
40 minutes in – I should note that this is the first work of fiction where I inadvertently learned that fan-theories can get crazy. Some people online were convinced that Zion was another Matrix (or something), mostly because of things that happen later on but also because this spoon couldn’t possibly have gotten all beat-up without somebody using telekinesis on it. Yeah.
42 minutes in – “Hey, most guardians let people waltz right in to see whatever it is they’re protecting without a fight!”
47 minutes in – Huh?
51 minutes in – Oh my God, he’s like… I was going to say Conqueror, but really, every Message Board Troll ever.  Still, Noooooooooooo!!!!!
58 minutes in – Hmm… Is it me or is the animation here not holding up at all here? (This is one of the few times where they eschewed practical effects/stuntwork and instead used motion capture. And you can tell.)
1 hour, 6 minutes in – The Also-Infamous Orgasm Cake Scene!
1 hour, 7 minutes in – Please tell me I didn’t just see what I think I did…
1 hour, 9 minutes in – “Well, there was some jazz about Vampires. So yeah.”
1 hour, 12 minutes in – “Oh, you’re dead.”
1 hour, 17 minutes in – BIG HALLWAY BATTLE!
It has been said that since the first “Matrix” already had the best action scenes, the remaining movies in the series had a rough time trying to outdo them. Still, swordfights are always fun.
1 hour, 18 minutes in – “Accio sai!”
1 hour, 21 minutes in – The Also-ALSO-Infamous Endless Car Chase Scene!
1 hour, 22 minutes in – “Weeeeeeeeeeeee!!!”
1 hour, 32 minutes in – This poor, adorable old man. 😦
1 hour, 36 minutes in – “WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!”
1 hour, 39 minutes in – This is Ghost. Everyone say hello to Ghost. He is a minor character here but in the game, “Enter the Matrix”, he is the main character (in that he is one of two playable characters; Niobe is the other). “Enter the Matrix” was a very interesting experiment in that you had to play the game in order to understand what was happening during certain scenes in “Matrix Reloaded”. For example, there is a line in the game that informs us that Ghost is possibly Trinity’s brother, among other interesting reveals and -uh- LesYay. Unfortunately, this was in the pre-“Heroes”/”Cloverfield”/people are getting used to story points being revealed through other tie-in media days, and the world was not ready. Anyway, I think this is Ghost’s one in-movie line. 😦
1 hour, 44 minutes in – GOOSE!!! Noooooooooooo!!!!!
1 hour, 48 minutes in – 42
1 hour, 50 minutes in – And now, the Also-also-ALSO Infamous Architect Scene. He’s a cool character but I always thought it was strange to pull such a mind-screw on the audience this late in the story. Just… *what?*
1 hour, 52 minutes in – “And it was filled with Mother Goose characters who ate cookies all day!”
1 hour, 54 minutes in – Psy-yi-yi... duck?
1 hour, 56 minutes in – “Man, why couldn’t I be fated to chuck a mind-controlling Ring into a volcano?” 😦
2 hours in – Awww…
2 hours, 2 minutes in – “Eh, screw prophesies! All they do really is inconvenience the heck out of everyone.”
2 hours, 3 minutes in – “You bastards took the sky from me!!!”
2 hours, 5 minutes in – “Kaaaaa-mehhhh-haaaaaa-mehhhh-HAAAAAAA!!!!!”
2 hours, 7 minutes in – “Welp, see you all in another four years! (Awkward pause.) I’m kidding. See you all in seven months.”

Credits
A Village Roadshow/Silver Pictures film released in 2003 by Warner Bros. Written and directed by the Wachowski… siblings… (It’s complicated.)
Cast
Keanu Reeves, Carrie-Anne Moss, Laurence Fishburne, Hugo Weaving, Monica Bellucci, Gloria Foster, Jada Pinkett Smith, Harold Perrineau, Helmut Bakaitis, and Lambert Wilson
Related Links
IMDB page

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