Posted by: Mad Ness Monster | 04/02/2010

“The Matrix” Review

Once upon a time, eleven years ago, many science fiction fans went into movie theaters expecting to see a silly little sci-fi / action film that would hopefully tide them over until the glorious experience that would be “Star Wars Episode One” — and wound up having something like a religious experience.
Happy Easter or other “Hell yeah, winter’s over” holiday of choice! Here is a viewing guide to the “Matrix” trilogy! Everybody loves the first one and I am apparently the only person on the Internet who liked the entire series!

The Best Parts:
.42 minutes in – OMG! Start “Darkside of the Moon”! (Minutes later…) You’re doing it wrong!
3 minutes in – Yeah, this is probably the greatest scene that introduces a major character ever.
6 minutes in – Our boy, he’s really somethin’.
10 minutes in – I feel your pain.
12 minutes in – Was that a bong by Neo’s clock? Discuss.
16 minutes in – Foreshadowing is a bitch. 😦
17 minutes in – *Really* a bitch. 😦
20 minutes in – DO NOT WAAAAAAAAANT!!!!! Noooooooooooo!!!!!
21 minutes in – Okay, take the above sentiment and multiply it by a thousand.
23 minutes in – I’d like it if more fantasy heroes opted to stay in Crazy Magic-Land instead of returning to their normal lives for some damn reason.
24 minutes in – I understand my laproscopic surgery went something like this? Noooooooooooo!!!!!
32 minutes in – You know, even after eleven years this is still pretty much the best visual metaphor for my generation.
34 minutes in – Here, have some fan disservice.
36 minutes in – And that is the exact same IV drip they had in me during my hospital stay after the aforementioned surgery. (Well, it *felt* like it.)
43 minutes in – This baby is now at least twelve years old. You wonder how he’s doing…
53 minutes in – ^_^
56 minutes in – This is another excellent “Oh, THAT’S where that piece of music came from!” movie.
59 minutes in – “Essentially, it’s an evil version of Spybot”
1 hour, 4 minutes in – You wonder why Smith didn’t pounce on that double-negative.
1 hour, 5 minutes in – Post-apocalyptic sporks!
1 hour, 15 minutes in – Foreshadowing is really, *really* a bitch.
1 hour, 19 minutes in – And now, Lots of Upsetting Things Happen Over and Over. 😦
1 hour, 27 minutes in – “But it has raisins in it! YOU LIKE RAISINS!!!” Noooooooooooo!!!!!
1 hour, 32 minutes in – “And they ate cookies all day. And it was always daytime and there were Furries and Mother Goose people running around…”
1 hour, 33 minutes in – “You mean the large and diverse group of animals that ruled the Earth for 227,000,000 years? (Grins.) Look, you just *can’t* use that metaphor on a biologist.”
1 hour, 38 minutes in – “I became angry with humans ever since their leader refused to chuck the One Ring into Mt. Doom and defeat Sauron for good.”
1 hour, 42 minutes in – Yeah, this is pretty much the best action scene ever made.
1 hour, 46 minutes in – I don’t care how many stupid parodies we got of this scene, it’s still cool.
1 hour, 52 minutes in – Okay, this is totally South Station. This freaks me out every time I have to go there.
1 hour, 53 minutes in – Oh, just tell him you like him!
1 hour, 59 minutes in – And there’s a reference maybe three other people got.
2 hours, 5 minutes in – Well, that’s enough explanation for me.
2 hours, 8 minutes in – 42. Multiple times, yet! Some other fan has probably counted them all and… good for them.

Classic Quotes:Things I Learned from this Movie:
You want me to list all the good lines? For the whole series? You really do? Well, I’m not going to, sorry. I’ll let IMDB field this one.
Likewise, I’ll do Things That Can Save Any Movie, Rating, ect. when we get to the end of the series, OK?

Credits
A Village Roadshow/Silver Pictures film released in 1999 by Warner Bros. Written and directed by the Wachowski… siblings… (It’s complicated.)
Cast
Keanu Reeves, Carrie-Anne Moss, Laurence Fishburne, Hugo Weaving, Joe Pantoliano, and Gloria Foster.
Related Links
IMDB page
More links when we get to the end of the series.

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