This was a banner year, readers.
Once again, a quick DISCLAIMER is in order here: I am not affiliated with any of the people who made or sold these products. This isn’t a paid advertisement, just a collection of insane things they happen to sell.
I found enough insane things for sale this year to cover *two* gift guides; one for those of us who can’t spend over fifty dollars per present, one for those of you to whom dropping $150.00 on a toy is nothing. First up, gifts under twenty-five dollars:
Excellion the Barely Avoiding a Copyright Infringement Robot Who Turns Into Things Other Than Robots!
It’s a little hard to read but the name of this toy is absolutely “Transformable Robot”. The fact that we’ve got three different robots here and they are evidently all named Excellion is an excellent (or Excellion-ent) touch. It’s very typical of toys that are cheap and obvious knockoffs of other toys.
Buy this for a Trans-fan you know and just bask in their confusion.
Destroy Your Child’s Faith!
As far as I’m concerned, the “Tinkerbell” movie isn’t a fraction as interesting as this crazy sort of culture Disney has manufactured around it over the past five years or so. It started with the initial announcement of the film, then we got a metric buttload of books introducing Tinkerbell’s home in a magic tree in Neverland and all her Fairy friends. Eventually, it got to the point where I couldn’t swing a pin lanyard around in Disney World earlier this year without hitting something with Tink or one of her stupid little friends emblazoned on it*. So now the movie’s out and for me, the most entertaining part of the movie itself isn’t the fact that HOLY SH*T TINKERBELL TALKS OMG WTF?! – but the fact that Tinkerbell seems to have an entirely new set of friends. Huh.
Anyway, this is one of the thousands of tie-in Tinkerbell toys available. The kid claps her hands and Tinkerbell dances or something. She’s powered by childhood faith. So what happens when the batteries wear out?
* – You all understood what I just said, right? Because I used the “You can’t swing (something) around in (somewhere) without hitting (ubiquitous thing)” during a conversation on Thanksgiving and *everyone* in my family was confused. I read too much. <:(
Emo the Vampire and Scary Eyes the Kindergoth Witch
I found these two characters for sale cheap after Halloween and I am currently kicking myself for not purchasing them. Personally, I’d stick them in a corner somewhere in my house when company was coming over and just let them creep people out. Better yet, come spring, I’d hide them in the backyard and have them peer out from behind the evergreen branches. Passing pedestrians would feel a little off without knowing why. Or, just coat Emo with glitter and give him to the Twilight fan girl on your list and bask in her confusion.
I now ship this guy with Earring Fun Ken.
Awesome in the form of a Knockoff Toy
The thing with cheap knockoff toys is that some of them are actually kind of awesome. I am kicking myself for not purchasing this fellow as well. I don’t know of a single Secret Santa / Yankee Swap type event that wouldn’t be livened up with a robot dragon.
Remember Pogs? Well, they’re back! In card form!
Further Adventures in Disney Marketing Frenzies
This kind of thing has to stop.
Further Adventures in Other Marketing Frenzies
This kind of thing REALLY has to stop.
Cheap Medical Student Books
Think of this and all is mended: as bad as things look right now, we can still buy a fifty cent book about Urinary System health!