(Also known as “La Planète Sauvage”.)
Continuing our series of Movies the “Avatar” Trailer Reminded People Of, we have an animated movie from France that might just be too damn weird to review.
Here’s the plot: There are these giant blue people who share their planet with tiny humans. You can’t really say that the giants terrorize the tiny people, unless you and I want to owe up to terrorizing every mosquito we’ve ever squished. Additionally, some of the tiny people are kept as pets, others are slaves. One of the tiny people kept as a pet has had it and he runs off to join a tribe of wild tinies, but not before stealing the giants’ information. The giants stage an all-out (and very one-sided) war against the tinies, and this prompts the tinies to journey to a new world, hoping they’ll finally be safe. Instead, they learn the secret of their giant masters.
It says a lot about this movie that the giants’ secret is the least bizarre thing you see in this movie.
Even so, it’s worth a look if you can stand some very unsettling visuals. It kind of looks like what “Planet of the Apes” “Battlefield Earth” would have looked like if it had been directed by David Lynch Wayne Coyne.
The Best Parts:
2 minutes in – And now I feel bad for every insect I ever picked on as a kid.
12 minutes in – Considering the circumstances, that was pretty badass.
13 minutes in – “OK… what have I just walked into?”
19 minutes in – “Hooray! The first Crystal Meth sprouts of spring!”
21 minutes in – “OK… what am I looking at here? And why is it making me feel funny?”
25 minutes in – So a puny human slave manages to learn information that is usually forbidden from humans by his larger masters? Why does this feel familiar?
29 minutes in – And the point of killing fishbirds without eating them is what, exactly?
30 minutes in – “BAHAHAHAHA!!! LOOK AT HIS HAT!!!”
Also, D&D Mimic.
33 minutes in – GLOWY PEOPLE ORGY!
37 minutes in – “Oh God, oh GOD, WTF are they going to do to me!?!”
39 minutes in – “So then why did we walk right under their home?”
41 minutes in – ATTACK OF THE… whatever that is!
47 minutes in – It’s inhuman! It’s like dropping a tablet of Alka-Seltzer into a jar of Sea Monkeys!
52 minutes in – Considering the circumstances, this is incredibly badass.
59 minutes in – So now the puny human slaves are using their forbidden knowledge to learn how to fly their larger masters’ vehicles. There is something weirdly familiar about all this.
1 hour, 3 minutes in – This is disturbing on several different levels.
1 hour, 4 minutes in – “Wow. Um, sure didn’t expect this on the planet.”
1 hour, 5 minutes in –
“So, guys, are we really comfortable with living on a planet where, every so often, these giant statues get possessed by alien spirits, come to life, and start gettin’ freaky with each-other? No? Yeah, me neither.”
1 hour, 8 minutes in – Well, I guess that’s the end.
Things I Learned from this Movie:
* – Do not overfeed your pet tiny baby.
* – Aliens, don’t use your trippy powers to freak out your puny human slaves.
* – Vacuum cleaners, bowling balls, and spotlights can kill you. When you are four inches tall.
* – Being four inches tall sucks. Doubly so if there are giants running around.
Things That Can Save Any Movie:
Cool Creatures? Hoo boy. Yes.
Good Soundtrack? It’s very strange.
Hot Guys? All the characters were beaten with an ugly stick. it should be noted that the female residents of Fantastic Planet don’t mind showing off their breasts. So, there’s that, if you’re into giant blue alien breasts.
Pretty Scenery? Yes.
Nifty Animation/Effects/Art Direction? The animation is kind of choppy, but I’ll give it brownie points for not looking like anything else.
Drinking Game Potential / Head Movie Potential? Uh… I’ve never voluntarily done any really strong drugs, and yet I have a feeling that this movie is exactly like what you see after trying every kind of drug there is at once.
Danny really havin’ a hard time here, man!
An Argos Film released in 1973. Written by Roland “Best possible name if you’re going to work on something this surreal” Topor and Rene Laloux and directed by Rene Laloux.