Posted by: Mad Ness Monster | 10/21/2009

“Q: the Winged Serpent” review

David Carradine and Richard Roundtree save New York City from the first mythical being the guy who made the “It’s Alive” movies pulled out of a hat.
There is a special feature on this DVD where Larry Cohen, the director of “Q”, complains about how the writers of “Godzilla vs. Ferris Bueller” ripped off the very last shot of his movie. I think they ripped a few other things off as well. Both films take a male creature and for whatever reason decide to make said creature female. Both films have a weird shyness about showing the monster wrecking the s**t out of stuff. More importantly, both movies have an endless, tedious focus on a bunch of humans we really don’t care about when there is awesome monster action to be had.
That said, if you have a deep seated need to see a mime get all Emo as he watches Shaft get carried off by a big dragon, this flick will finally fill the void.

The Best Parts:
2 minutes in – CREEPY STALKER!!! Noooooooooooo!!!!!
Ooh, and he gets his head bit of immediately!
4 minutes in – Not a big fan of watching people get skinned alive!!! Noooooooooooo!!!!!
6 minutes in – FURTHER CREEPY STALKERY!!! Noooooooooooo!!!!!
7 minutes in – Chicken Boo, what IS the matter with you?
10 minutes in – We prefer our terrible music to your terrible music.
16 minutes in – Yay! Now this annoying guy is going to get eaten! (SPOILER: He does not get eaten.)
23 minutes in – Can we maybe not have to watch this guy get skinned again? Noooooooooooo!!!!!
25 minutes in – Way to be culturally sensitive, lady.
27 minutes in – What does this guy even have to do with anything?!?
32 minutes in – Fun Fact: Quetzalcoatl was one of the few Aztec deities who *didn’t* demand (ahem) MORE BLOOOOOD!!! That’s why I said that the film is focused on the first mythical being they pulled out of a hat. The dude’s a Corn God, for cryin’ out loud!
35 minutes in – Yeah, that’s probably some kind of blasphemy.
37 minutes in – Further terrible musicality!
44 minutes in – OK, that was awesome.
51 minutes in – “Just go with it.”
54 minutes in – And here’s our Funny Aneurysm for tonight. <:(
1 hour, 4 minutes in – I cannot express how much I cannot wait to see this little weenie get eaten. (SPOILER: He still does not get eaten.)
1 hour, 12 minutes in – Aw, BOOOOOO!!! 😡
1 hour, 15 minutes in – STEALTH MIME!!!
1 hour, 17 minutes in – Wait… what?
1 hour, 21 minutes in – And this assclown STILL hasn’t been eaten yet?!? (SPOILER: Boy, does he ever NOT get eaten…)
1 hour, 23 minutes in – THE MOVIE FINALLY GETS AWESOME!!!
1 hour, 25 minutes in – And yet, we are still asked to give a pair of fetid dingo’s kidneys about this little weenie assclown.
1 hour, 30 minutes in – SEQUEL SETUP!!!
May I suggest “The Wrath of Kokopelli”? “Raven-Who-Makes-Things-Right’s Roaring Rampage of Revenge”? “Bloodbath of the Killer Tree Squeaks”?

Things I Learned from this Movie:
* – Once again, study your folktales and legends, kids. You never know which one’s going to come to life and try to kill you.
* – Pigeons are carnivores.

Things That Can Save Any Movie:
Cool Creatures?
Q is pretty spiffy the few times she(?!?) is onscreen.
Good Soundtrack? Hell no.
Hot Guys? No.
Pretty Scenery? It’s 70’s New York City.
Nifty Animation/Effects/Art Direction? Um… not really.

Drinking Game Potential? Drink when you actually get to watch the dragon wreck the s**t out of things.
Head Movie Potential? Unless you want to be in an altered state when they surprise you with the guy getting skinned…

Rating: Danny rating (2)
This gets a Danny for the aforementioned Emo mime scene alone.
Credits
An Arkoff International Film released by UFDC in 1982. Written and directed by Larry Cohen.
Cast
David Carradine, Richard Roundtree, and Michael Moriarty
Related Links
IMDB page
Bad Movie Report review
Greatest Movie EVER review

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