It’s enough to say that I wanted to pretend to be Norwegian after watching this.
I’d love to find the person who wrote this crock of boiled crap, which (and Disney has a track record for this, see also “The American Adventure” and the banned “Hannah Montana” diabetes awareness episode) manages to be offensive as hell without even meaning to be. And I would like to beat the person who wrote this over the head repeatedly with a stick.
And then I realize I can’t do that. Not because I am a pacifist, but because it would just play into Disney’s stereotypes. You can’t win. 😦
The Best Parts:
15 seconds in – Wee “Lost”!!!
6 minutes in – So every teacher who gave you advice on how to approach a multiple-choice test was wrong. Never mind if it saved your butt!
9 minutes in –
THE INTERNET DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!!!
11 minutes in – “ZOMG and I LOVE The Cure! This is AWESOME!!!”
14 minutes in – Welcome to Annoying Stereotypes Land!
And I ought to mention this now. What REEEEEALLY got to me about this movie is that during the course of the film, they bring up the often-ignored sad fact that recent Irish immigrants were indeed targets of racism not terribly long ago. And yet, they don’t ever realize that this movie isn’t helping.
20 minutes in – I can no longer digest bacon. Thanks for bringing it up. 😦
26 minutes in – Ha ha ha, you don’t wanna perpetuate stereotypes, ha ha ha.
F*** this movie.
28 minutes in – Shut up Emo kid.
29 minutes in – Now, I know what you mean but indeed anyone with even a drop of Celtic blood in them should be hurling throughout this movie.
31 minutes in –
35 minutes in – Hey, I like it
36 minutes in – Somewhere, Neil Gaiman is banging his head against a wall.
42 minutes in – W00T Potato Chips! Another thing I can no longer digest.
44 minutes in – I like how he isn’t even bothering with the cover story.
46 minutes in – “Squee, he looks like Orlando Bloom!”
48 minutes in – What astonishes me at this point is that they know about the shoe part of the legend.
50 minutes in – To be sure, this is still not as bad as “Peter’s Bogus Irish Pub Adventure” in the second season of “Heroes”.
53 minutes in – “I just found out that I’m descended from Magical Little Fairies. I feel pretty good!”
55 minutes in – EPIC CAR CHASE!
56 minutes in – “My cabbages!!!”
1 hour in – A-ha-ha-ha, f*** you, Disney Channel.
Oh sh**, wouldn’t dropping f-bombs play into their stereotypes as well?
1 hour, 2 minutes in – And he couldn’t have used his Trippy Fairy Magic earlier because…?
1 hour, 4 minutes in – “And if a ten ton truuuuuck crashes into uuuuuuuuus, well…”
1 hour, 5 minutes in – SUPER AWESOME TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCE GO!!!
1 hour, 6 minutes in – Also to be sure, this is still not as bad as the Belfast-set episode of “Captain Planet”, which I am not making up and really needs to be seen to be believed. Because holy sh**.
1 hour, 7 minutes in – Uh, they are the sports your sports are descended from, you douche.
1 hour, 9 minutes in – Oh, God, they aren’t going to molest the sheep later are they?
1 hour, 10 minutes in – Danny Wood unavailable for comment.
1 hour, 16 minutes in – Normally, I would say that this scene is brought to you by the Title Significance Making You Aware Of Fairy, but she’s protesting this film as it is offensive to Fairies as well.
1 hour, 18 minutes in – So, nobody in the bleachers notices the evil Fairy or the old bearded Fairy chained to the backboard?
1 hour, 21 minutes in – Yeah, and have fun with the invasive (in every meaning of the word) Sea Lampreys!
1 hour, 22 minutes in – “Also, she has been on a Magical Adventure with Fairy People and stuff.”
1 hour, 24 minutes in – Ah, jeez. Now I want to pretend to be Canadian on top of pretending to be Norwegian.
Things I Learned from this Movie/Book/Whatever:
* – History is SO ten minutes ago!
* – Everyone in America SO came from someplace else. (Fifteen minutes later.) Oh, except the Indians.
* – Not every animal SO works as an anthropomorphic mascot costume.
* – Luck SO has nothing to do with how high you can jump.
* – FEAR the cabbages!
* – All bets are off when Magical Fairy People are about.
* – If your parents tapdance around the issue of your ethnicity with painful obviousness, it probably means you are some kind of Magical Fairy Person.
Things That Can Save Any Movie:
Cool Creatures? Ugh.
Good Soundtrack? Nope.
Hot Guys? Uh-uh.
Pretty Scenery? Wee Utah!
Nifty Animation/Special Effects/Illustrations? The magical effects of 1985! Wait…
Drinking Game Potential? Do you really want to perpetuate Disney’s stereotypes?
Head Movie Potential? Do you?!
Danny PWNING a magical dancing contest with that one spinny thing that he does.
A Hal Roach Studios Film released by the Disney Channel in 2001. Written by Andrew “Needs to get a taste of my Hittin’ Stick” Price and directed by Paul “I heard you like Mudkips” Hoen.
Ryan Merriman, Glenndon Chatman, and a lot of very embarrassed-looking people.