Were it not for the antibiotics, I don’t think I would have made it.
I was quite ill when I wrote these St. Patrick’s Day reviews. For the past week or so, I had a bad cough and stomach ache, and I finally went to the doctor. She gave me some rather heavy antibiotics and recommended an X-ray and CAT scan of my torso. Neither procedure was very fun as I had to down something nasty prior to each (a Barium Sulfide milkshake for the X-ray and an incredibly trippy cocktail of drugs for the scan).
Lest this be considered too much information, I’m telling you this so that you’ll understand the state of mind I was in while watching “Darby O’Gill” and writing this review…
So… yeah, “Darby O’Gill and the Little People”. They used to show this a lot on the Disney Channel. I was weirdly fascinated, as a lass, by the ad that showcased the teeny tiny Fairy horses. Having finally sat down to watch the whole thing (man, how many times have you heard this from me) I wish I hadn’t. There’s a lot of singing, a lot of maniacal laughing, and a whole lot of pain.
The special effects are still good though. Its Sean Connery’s first movie, which is kind of interesting. There’s also an episode of “Walt Disney Presents” on the DVD, if you’re into that, but I couldn’t bring myself to watch it.
The Best Parts:
3 minutes in – I have no idea what’s going on. I got a feeling we’re actually looking at the green hills of California, though.
6 minutes in – (Ness gives up and activates the DVD’s subtitles.)
10 minutes in – Fairy Superdickery!
12 minutes in – Ah, the wild Irish Bougainvillea!
15 minutes in – “Ho ho ho ho! Buck futter!!!”
17 minutes in – By the way, Pony?!
18 minutes in – “Oh, it’s ‘The Dragon’s Lullaby‘!”
20 minutes in – By the way, Cleopatra?!
21 minutes in – Desmond’s down there!
22 minutes in – “Oh, man, too much locoweed!”
26 minutes in – For the record, Irish mythology really is this weird, as far as I know.
29 minutes in – “Pack it up pack it in! Let me begin! / I came to win! Battle me that’s a sin!”
31 minutes in – Unnngh… what is happening?
33 minutes in – “Yes. I definitely need to cut down on the locoweed. Cause seriously.”
35 minutes in – “I have no idea what you’re going on about, because I am a horse. On weed.”
37 minutes in – “Yay! A Frothy Mug of Water!”
39 minutes in – “I wish I was a lil’ bit taller! I wish I was a baller! I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her!”
42 minutes in – *Gasp!* Human bastardry!
48 minutes in – We’re over the hump.
51 minutes in – “God, your laugh is annoying.”
52 minutes in – “Well, it’s the hardest damn thing in the world to open the bag a bit and show you, so let me describe him instead.”
55 minutes in – Holy sh**!?!
56 minutes in – Now of course it’s night now. King Brian has his powers back. I’ll bet he turns into a rabbit but only when Darby isn’t looking, just to be a dick.
Seconds later – God, this movie sucks.
1 hour, 3 minutes in – “Ba-ha-hawl! Get out of my head!!!”
1 hour, 6 minutes in – I refuse to be intimidated by a villain named Pony.
1 hour, 8 minutes in – Why oh why didn’t I review “The Secret of the Roan Inish” instead. 😦
1 hour, 20 minutes in – Yeah. That’s a good idea.
1 hour, 25 minutes in – Woah. I didn’t expect something this inept to have such a sad ending.
1 hour, 27 minutes in – Oh. Never mind then.
1 hour, 30 minutes in – I may have to sing this song whilst gardening, just to irritate the neighborhood.
Classic Lines of Dialogue:
“My thanks to King Brian of Knocknasheega and his Leprechauns, whose gracious co-operation made this picture possible.” – Walt Disney’s hilarious opening credit
~*~ Poetry Corner ~*~
“Oh, she is my dear, my darling one / her eyes so sparklin’ full of fun! / No other, no other can match the likes of her! / She is my dear, my darling one / my smilin’ and beguilin’ one! / I love the ground she walks upon, my darling Irish girl” – Michael
Things I Learned from this Movie/Book/Whatever:
* – Oatmeal is also known as Stirabout.
* – Don’t attempt to throw things at Anthropomorphic Personifications.
* – Humans shouldn’t be bastards to Fairies.
Things That Can Save Any Movie:
Cool Creatures? Sure..
Good Soundtrack? M’eh.
Hot Guys? No.
Pretty Scenery? The green hills of California. I don’t even care if they really did film in Ireland; this is too hilarious.
Nifty Animation/Special Effects/Illustrations? Actually, yes.
Drinking Game Potential? Drink when King Brian commits acts of Superdickery. Drink twice if Darby deserves it.
Head Movie Potential? I would say yes…
Danny in a magical land.
A Disney Film made in 1959. Written by Lawrace Watkin, based upon the stories by H.T. Kavanagh, and directed by Robert Stevenson.
Albert Sharpe, Janet Munro, Jimmy O’Dea, and Sean Connery.