Posted by: Mad Ness Monster | 06/30/2009

“New Kids on the Block at Disney/MGM Studios: Wildest Dreams!” review

(4/1/08)

Disney’s MGM Hollywood Studios is a theme park that peaked early. Sadly, the park is now a shadow of it’s former self mostly because they closed down the animation studio and they’re hardly doing any filming at all there. Disney really doesn’t seem to know what to do with this park anymore.

Back in the day, “Mickey Mouse Club” was filmed at the studio, and so was “Newsies” and a few other movies, and there were totally insane specials filmed there almost monthly. I knew the perfect example of such a special. I thought, “what the hell, I’ll search for it on the YouTube.”
I am now going to be more surprised if I can’t find something on YouTube.
I don’t know how long this link is going to last, so enjoy it while you can, dear reader. Now, there are New Kids television specials that are remembered better, but this one is by far the SECOND most totally insane. (MOST totally insane would be the animated Christmas special. Amazingly, it is not on YouTube.  I am very upset about that.) It’s basically a long, long commercial for Disney/MGM Studio that the New Kids just happened to be reeled into; a few of them clearly want off this ride. Every guy gets to have a dream sequence corresponding (conveniently) with whatever sets and guest stars were available at the time.
Perusing the comments and fan sites, the best bits are either Joey’s extremely obviously dubbed-in pre-voice change vocals, Danny’s fanservice beach party, or Donnie’s segment and his amazing running commentary.

The Best Parts:
37 seconds in – “And animals and gardening!!!
I will NEVER stop being funny.  NEVER!!!
2 minutes in – Yeah, this is the cheesiest Boy Band song ever.
3 minutes in – How much hair gel did that take?
4 minutes in – Man, this is so totally not overdubbed. Seriously.
5 minutes in – “Oh there must be a Angel with a smile on her face! When she thought up that I should be with you!”
6 minutes in – “THIS is why I rule!”
8 minutes in – 42.
9 minutes in – Well, Jordan’s taller than me still if that cheers him up any.
10 minutes in – 42 (again. Hmm…)
10 minutes in – “My voice gives me Super Strength!”
12 minutes in – Holy crap, I keep forgetting that Biscuit was real.
13 minutes in – “I’ll take a nacho chip… AND EAT IT!!!”
13 minutes in – Behold the FANSERVICE!!!
14 minutes in – “Raar!!! Danny smash!”
16 minutes in – Sigh… Men.
18 minutes in – It gets a little slow from here on it. Let’s sing along!
20 minutes in – Super Secret Hidden Bonus Track! (Yeah, I commend my younger self for gagging at this even as a kid.)
22 minutes in – “Wah, can I be in the movie?” “Shut up, Jon.”
29 minutes in –
Morbo
Freestyling does not work that way!
31 minutes in – “Wee!”
35 minutes in – “My beard knows Kung-Fu!”
36 minutes in – HoYay?!
37 minutes in – “FREEEEEEEBIIIIIIIIRRRD!!!!!”
40 minutes in – “Yeah, shut up, Jon.”

Classic Lines of Dialogue:
Oh, where to begin?
“Kill that noise!” – Donnie (I want to slip this one into casual conversation of course.)
“All I want to do is sing and dance!” – Joey. (Uh…)
“Yeah, but I can’t break up the band!” – Jon (Classic.)
“This sure is incredible, man. I mean, just think about it! We’re all alone in Disney/MGM Studios man! And we could really do ANYTHING we want! I mean, we could BE anything we wanna be! In fact, if I wanted to, I could turn into Mickey Mouse right now or ANYTHING!” – Donnie’s truly amazing running commentary (I can only assume that he didn’t want to.)

Things I Learned from this Movie/Book/Whatever:
Well, according to the Disney writers:
* – Jon wants to be a bad actor in a horrible fifties teen chick flick that sucks ass,
* – Danny wants to do a Fanservice-heavy Beach Episode,
* – Jordan wants to play basketball one-on-one with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar for some reason,
* – Donnie wants to take over the role of Indiana Jones, which might not be such a bad idea,
* – And Joey, possessing the most wildly creative imagination of anyone in this special, wants to siiiiiiiiing… Like he already does. In his job. As a singer. A-ha.

Things That Can Save Any Movie:
Cool Creatures?
There’s a quick Roger Rabbit cameo that says it all, really.
Good Soundtrack? The “No More Games” album. New Kids meet the C&C Music Factory. Ah, the ’90s.
Hot Guys? Funny how Danny’s the (distant) second-least popular and *he* gets the Shirtless Beach Episode Fanservice Scene.
Pretty Scenery? Err, it’s a backlot.
Nifty Animation/Special Effects/Illustrations? ROFLcoasters!!!

Drinking Game Potential? Drink when they say “Girl” (this pretty much works for every NKOTB song ever). Drink when you sense that the guys seem to resent being reeled into a long, long commercial.

Head Movie Potential? Go read Donnie’s monologue again.

Rating: Danny rating (2)
Danny. Without a shirt.
Credits
A Disney (I guess) Film made in 1991. Directed by James Yukich.
Cast
Aside from Donnie, Danny, Jordan, Joey, and Jon, the cast includes Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Lee Haney, Mike Speller, Khrystyne (Damn, seriously?) Haje, and Steve Walker (better known as the apparently real Biscuit).
Related Links
New Kids On The Block’s Official Website
IMDB entry

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