Posted by: Mad Ness Monster | 06/29/2009

“My Little Pony: the Movie” review


Seeing as I was a whole-hearted My Little Pony collector, I can geek out here.

I have to say it cracks me up that the same studio that made this movie also made the “Transformers” movie – and that these two movies were released *in the same year*.
This could be the paramount of all Girly 80’s cartoons: it is very colorful, it is fantasy themed, and it makes very little sense (how did the Ponies bake those pies anyway?) Seen today, I have to say that it IS very cute, but it isn’t cloyingly so. It still holds up as a decent fantasy-themed children’s cartoon.
But since it is also trippy as all get out, I will have a great time making fun of it.

The Best Parts:
2 minutes in – Note that the first Pony we see onscreen is Gusty. Yes, there are people who care about things like that.
3 minutes in – So are any male readers still with us?
5 minutes in – CATFIGHT!!!
10 minutes in – Oh… Gee. I feel sorry for Mommy Lickety-Split.
12 minutes in – Spike, steal her Bag of Holding when she isn’t looking!
16 minutes in – “Clearly I / will go sailing / no more…”
17 minutes in – So if Spike hadn’t left that note, how long do you think it’d take them to notice they were short one Pony?
Also, I [heart] Fizzy. 🙂
20 minutes in – SPIDER CRUELTY!!!
OK, look. I realize that Reeka has been eating every animal smaller than she is through this whole movie so far. But stealing from a spider’s web is just mean.
21 minutes in – BABY ALLIGATOR CRUELTY!!!
23 minutes in – Heh, I need to try this song trick out next time I have tedious work I don’t want to do.
25 minutes in – Please Note: The unbearably cute little fuzzy blobs are called Bush-woolies. Readers, feel free to snicker.
28 minutes in – Aw, Shady.
32 minutes in – Meghan, you suck. Actually, on second thought, your brother and sister suck more.
33 minutes in – Oh… damn. Readers, feel free to place your favorite questionable taste Hurricane Katrina joke here. 😦
36 minutes in – Well, sh*t.
43 minutes in – GNOME!!!
Oh, but it gets better! *Magic Gnome* and his *Magic Rabbit* friend who live in a forest of *Giant Mushrooms*!
47 minutes in – “How Toyetic can you get?” – Freakazoid
50 minutes in – Fellow female Crankylanders, I invite you to listen to this song, particularly it’s refrain, and reflect on it’s sad, sad irony.
57 minutes in – OK, so far we just left the mushroom forest where the magic Gnome and rabbit live. We are now in a forest of sunflowers. And we’re on an adventure to the land of Fairies (well, Fairy Ponies).
Weed, weed, weed.
1 hour, 1 minutes in – Say what, Spike?
1 hour, 3 minutes in – Um, isn’t this the setup for a Japanese horror movie?
1 hour, 6 minutes in – Treebeard has gone berserk! -also- BUSH-WOOLY CRUELTY!!!
1 hour, 8 minutes in – Ogg, I will pay you to eat the three lead humans.
1 hour, 11 minutes in – Wait, how did Gingerbread get here?
(Note: fans generally agree that this is the single most blatant of the many, many animation mistakes.)
1 hour, 15 minutes in – Buttons redeems herself. Aww.
1 hour, 16 minutes in – EPIC BATTLE!!!
1 hour, 20 minutes in – King Grundle, I think you ought to slap Spike for that.
1 hour, 26 minutes in – So, how many male readers made it through?

Classic Lines of Dialogue:
“You NEVER use the guillotine I bought you!” – Hidea
SPIKE: “Dragons are STRONG!”
LICKETY-SPLIT: “You’re just a baby!”
SPIKE: “But I’m still a dragon!”

~*~ Poetry Corner ~*~
“There’s always another rainbow. / Look hard until you find it. / Don’t look at the cloud, look behind it. / There’s a rainbow somewhere!” – Meghan, who gives a good uplifting message… but who still sucks.

Things I Learned from this Movie/Book/Whatever:
* – Winter absolutely blows if you are a small forest creature.
* – Fairy tale villains do not care about Mythical creatures. 😦
* – You can do a surprising number of tasks if you’re an animal equipped with hooves. You can bake pies, blow up balloons, put on a leotard…
* – Fairy Tale Villains: If the main thing making you evil is the fact that your neighbors are so darn happy all the time, just move. It’ll save everyone tons of stress in the end.
* – It’s very risky being a little animal that lives in the home of a fairy tale villain.
* – Between this and “Babes in Toyland”, I think it’s fair to say that fairy tale villains just despise yummy treats.
* – If you run into a plant that can move, for the life of Brian don’t p**s it off!
* – Fairy Creatures: Between this and “The Land of Far Away”, please stay away from wells for safety‘s sake.
* – Unicorns can teleport, but for some reason they won’t do it when they really need to.
* – Spiders are ticklish.
* – If you must meet with the Queen of a troop of Fairy creatures, you should brace yourself for her to go from b*tch to Angel in under thirty seconds.
* – Rainbows are beautiful but they will hold one hell of a grudge if you wrong them.
* – If you have to go on a fairy tale quest, make sure you bring the following people: Someone who can fly. Someone who can teleport. Someone who will be able to carry everyone else whilst jumping across the Inevitable Treacherous Gorge.

Things That Can Save Any Movie:
Cool Creatures?
Good Soundtrack? Actually, yes. Come to think of it, the theme is still in my head.
Hot Guys? No.
Pretty Scenery? Yes.
Nifty Animation/Special Effects/Illustrations? It’s 80’s cute, so it’s… okay. (Think “Muppet Babies” with a better budget and you have the idea. In fact, see below.)

Drinking Game Potential? Inevitably, the MLP online community has invented a wide variety of drinking games for this movie. I submit this version: Drink when you see an animation mistake (be careful with this one). Drink when you see a Pony who was in your collection. Drink yourself into a stupor if you can *name* each Pony as she appears onscreen. Drink when the animation reminds you of something out of “Muppet Babies”. And drink when you want to slap one of the human hero characters.

Head Movie Potential? Ahem. Mythical animals, magic Gnomes, Fairies (well, Fairy Ponies), forests of giant mushrooms and flowers, and so on and so forth. Need I say more?

Rating: Jordan rating (3)
In the interest of fairness, I gave both “Transformers” and “My Little Pony” truly neutral ratings of Jordan. Now, in the case of “My Little Pony”, if you’re female, you might want to add a New Kid on the Block or two.

A Sunbow/Marvel Film made in 1986. Written by George Arthur Bloom and directed by Michael Joens.
Danny Devito, Madeline Kahn, Cloris Leachman, Rhea Perlman, Tony Randall, Charles Adler, Tammy Amerson, Tress MacNeille, and Nancy Cartwright.
Related Links
IMDB page – Check out the four different misleading video/DVD covers!
Dream Valley – Simply one of the best fansites of anything.



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