Posted by: Mad Ness Monster | 06/29/2009

“The Lollipop Dragon” review


I have a new hero. He is big, he is green, he has goofy antennae, he has a box-shaped cranium, and he lives in a Peter Max painting. He is the Lollipop Dragon, and he is here to kick ass and suck lollipops… and he’s all out of lollipops.

Man, this is a hidden treasure. It’s the most downright trippy (in a good way) Christmas movie I have ever seen. Actually, it’s two specials stuck together but that’s okay. I will still -if the opportunity arises- throw this on for the unsuspecting little kids during a holiday party. And I am certain that I have seen this before as a lass. It looks to have stuck in my head somewhere as a set of easily customizable parameters for How To Draw a Cute Dragon…

The Best Parts:
42 seconds in – I already LOVE this special.
4 minutes in – Glider can fly (the dragons are of the wingless persuasion), I’m not quite sure what Blue-Eyes can do, and Cuddles can… damn, girlfriend, that is a strange special power.
6 minutes in – I am going to sing this song on the way to work. After “Where There’s a Whip, There’s a Way” of course.
10 minutes in – When I am Queen, I am totally using the same drawbridge the Baron has. That is awesome.
11 minutes in – OK, I officially love fairy tale villains.
So far, we’ve seen fairy tale villains who are motivated by how irritatingly happy their neighbors are, villains who want to steal cookies, villains who want to steal toys, and villains who want to hold a piano concert.  Baron Badblood here wants to steal the secret of the magical lollipops so that he will be the one making the best (or worst) lollipops ever.
12 minutes in – Cool! Blue-eyes has got the coveted ability to make up special powers as she needs them!
13 minutes in – Aw, it’s just like “Dragonheart“! And “My Little Pony“.
15 minutes in – It kinda sucks that the Baron also has the ability to make up special powers as he needs them.
18 minutes in – You don’t know that the Baron isn’t in a happier place, now that he’s a tree.
20 minutes in – My sister could PWN this Princess at “Guitar Hero”.
21 minutes in – Oh, so this movie *does* have something to do with Christmas.
23 minutes in – “Wait, didn’t the Forest of Mirrors turn you into a tree, Baron? And didn’t the Baron break you, Mirror?”
“We got better!”
26 minutes in – PANDA EXPLOITATION!!!
29 minutes in – I don’t know if a liver-flavored lollipop is out of the question. We live in a world where Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans are allowed to exist for real….
33 minutes in – Forest of Mirrors again!
34 minutes in – YAY! Added weight!
35 minutes in – Now Blue-eyes is like Frodo’s sword!
38 minutes in – YAAAAAAYYY!!! Though the Everybody Gets a Trophy Day ending is a bit of a copout.
40 minutes in – Sure are a lot of trippy people in this town…
42 minutes in – The Just For Kids’ Trailer Park!!! I wonder if there’s any chance of getting that free video?

Classic Lines of Dialogue:
“Aw, I just ADORE ya, boss! Gimme a kissee!” – Cosmo, after he is zapped by Cuddles’ strange special power
“Do they think, just cause it’s Christmas, that evil takes a holiday?” – Baron Badblood
~*~ Poetry Corner ~*~
“Sing a Happy Song while you’re walking! / Don’t let your head do to much talking! / We’ll keep our minds on Happy Things!” – Hairy Troll
“A wish for every girl and boy! / That’s my gift to you!” – Lollipop Dragon

Things I Learned from this Movie/Book/Whatever:
* – It will eventually take a heavy toll on the entire micro-ecology if everyone in a small town eats only lollipops.
* – Entering a forest that brings everything you think of to life is a huge liability.
* – Fairy-tale kings REALLY need to start putting more thought into their proclamations.

Things That Can Save Any Movie:
Cool Creatures?
Good Soundtrack? Yes.
Hot Guys? Um… maybe if they weren’t randomly dressed like bobsledders, spacemen, and other stuff.
Pretty Scenery? Yes.
Nifty Animation/Special Effects/Illustrations? Yes! Sure it’s a blatant rip on “Yellow Submarine”, but we need more whimsically trippy cartoons.

Drinking Game Potential? Drink when the little dragons use their special powers.

Head Movie Potential? Oh, heck yes.

Rating: Joey rating (bestest)
Joey tripping out on magical lollipops.
A Blair Entertainment Film made in 1986. Directed by Guy R. Mazzeo, produced by Mazzeo and Robert Halmi, written by Roger Himmel, based upon characters created by Himmel, Luther Peters, and Connie Ross.
Related Links
Worst Cartoons Ever! – Yeah… they had a different reaction than I did. 😦



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