Well, if you can’t guess what this will be like by the title…
Yeah, I feel confident enough with my mescaline masculine side to review this. Sure. It’s a gonzo Christmas special with He-Man and She-Ra, and it’s basically as demented as you’d think.
The little wizard guy Orko stows away on a spaceship and ends up going to Earth where he meets two annoying children who explain Christmas to him (oh boy…) Then they all go back to Eternia and get in a wacky adventure involving big, mean robots and little, nice robots. The usual He-Man/She-Ra villains are also involved and this leads to one of the greatest and best ridiculous moments in 80’s cartoon history:
Skeletor getting all sappy when the annoying children tell him about Christmas, which leads to him rescuing said annoying children and hugging a puppy. Hahahahaha!!!
The Best Parts:
1 minute in – OK, already this special is hurting my brain with it’s Peacock woman.
3 minutes in – Zaphod!
5 minutes in – Sufferin’ Sappho!
8 minutes in – Ow, the part of my brain that understands physics.
9 minutes in – Funny how the question of rescuing the annoying children in a more conventional way never occurred to him.
11 minutes in – Oh… boy…
12 minutes in – Poor little Orko has got to be *so* confused by now.
13 minutes in – Yeah, She-Ra’s theme song is better.
15 minutes in – Beast-Monster?
21 minutes in – “Everybody knows who Santa is!” – Orko
23 minutes in – Bow’s Sh**ty Christmas Song!
27 minutes in – Aw, he’s like a Wheeler from “Return to OZ” – but not terrifying!
30 minutes in – No! It is obviously the BAD kind of puppy in disguise!
33 minutes in – Here we go…
35 minutes in – Awww!
36 minutes in – So, wait, the Snowbeast gets a cracked coccyx for Christmas?
37 minutes in – Ooh, I saw where that shot hit.
39 minutes in – So, Horde Prime doesn’t get to go to the Christmas party?
41 minutes in – Awww…
42 minutes in – Er, your children just reappeared in a flash of light wearing magical belts – and you’re going to vehemently deny their tale of adventures in a magical land?
Classic Lines of Dialogue:
Annoying Child 1: “Christmas is lots of fun. We get presents and we do a lot of fun things.”
Skeletor: “You mean you get in FIGHTS!”
Annoying Child 2: “No we do FUN things!”
Skeletor: “But fights are FUN!”
“They are changing into other forms! What EVIL robots!” – Swiftwind, resenting the Transformers a little
~*~ Poetry Corner ~*~
“Love and caring! / Peaceful bliss! / Joys of sharing! / Happiness!” – Bow’s Sh**ty Christmas Song
Things I Learned from this Movie/Book/Whatever:
* – Eternia’s got a crazier population than I ever could have imagined.
* – Black Mages need to stay away from rockets.
* – Unicorns are awesome. (Not as awesome as Dragons, but a close second.)
* – If your boss is an evil dead wizard, don’t make him angry.
* – Flower Fairies are almost chillingly flippant about the flowers they create.
* – Mermaids have rather odd accents.
* – Unicorns are willing to put up with a lot.
* – “Not everybody celebrates Christmas, but the Christmas Spirit is in us all!” – He-Man
Things That Can Save Any Movie:
Cool Creatures? Sure, even though they’re all based on the same basic body mold.
Good Soundtrack? No.
Hot Guys? No.
Pretty Scenery? No.
Nifty Animation/Special Effects/Illustrations? Very No. In fact…
Drinking Game Potential? …drink when you see a blaringly obvious animation mistake.
Head Movie Potential? Yes.
Jordan. I was actually kinda disappointed that this wasn’t as unintentionally hilarious as I’d hoped – but the Skeletor subplot is precious.
A Filmation Film made in 1985. Written by Bob Foreman and Don Heckman and directed by Bill Read and Ernie Schmidt.
John Erwin, Melendy Britt, Alan Oppenheimer, and George DiCenzo.
Stomp Tokyo Review