Posted by: Mad Ness Monster | 06/27/2009

“Young Einstein” review

(1/13/04)

I remember the pre-release hype for this movie for some reason. It was being heralded on Nickelodeon as an event. Like Yahoo Serious was going to be the next Pee-Wee Herman or something. I have no idea how he failed, I mean OMG is this guy funny LOL LOL LOL!!!
It has just come to my attention that most sentient creatures in the United States in the Twenty-First Century are unaware of who or what “Yahoo Serious” is.

Think of Carrot Top for a minute. I know this is cruelty, but it’s necessary. Okay, now imagine if he was from Tasmania. And that he was pretending that he was Albert Einstein. And that he was also pretending that Albert Einstein lived on an apple farm in Tasmania, and that he was chiefly concerned with making beer and flirting with Marie Curie. And imagine him playing the violin naked in a big barrel full of water and dishes and (thank you, God) strategically placed soap suds.
Ye got all that?
Now you never ever have to watch this movie. I want the psychic space that the memory of this film takes up in my brain back.  Out of curiosity, I did a Google search to see if any other sarcastic movie review website at all had any mention of “Young Einstein”. I didn’t find any, but holy flirking snit, LOOK AT WHAT I DID FIND!!!
I DIED reading this page. Laughed the kind of laugh that makes small children living miles away burst out crying in fear.
Make sure you take a look at the review of Yahoo’s follow-up “biography” movie as well. It’s intended to be a serious drama, I guess, but the plot description is no less insane. And it, too, has a dedication title card that just makes you say “wow”.
Everybody sigh in relief that the Wachowskis and Peter Jackson found Hugo Weaving just in time.

The Best Parts:
3 minutes in – What have I gotten myself into?
8 minutes in – (Ness stares at the screen in disbelief…)
9 minutes in – SHEEP!
12 minutes in – Chug! Chug! Chug!
16 minutes in – What the…? Oh, hey. You KNOW a recent movie is class when you can see the “cigar burns” in the home viewing cut.
17 minutes in – (Cues “Fellowship of the Ring” theme)
18 minutes in – (The geeks leap from their table at the school dance.) “They’re doing the Australian Kangaroo Ritual!!!”
21 minutes in – Educational Bit: How a Gramophone works.
34 minutes in – Sadly, Yahoo electrocuted himself and died. The End. (pause) Bummer.
35 minutes in – SHEEP SCHOOL!!!
40 minutes in – Just what are we looking at here?
41 minutes in – Aww, who knew the laws of nature were so romantic?
46 minutes in – I feel bad for Yahoo’s stunt surfer.
50 minutes in – About damn time too! Wow. It’s just like in “Session 9”.
53 minutes in – So where’s Thomas Dolby?
58 minutes in – KITTEN PIE?!?!?!?
1 hour, 3 minutes in – He’s not going to feed the kittens apples?
1 hour, 6 minutes in – Sadly, the Space-Time Continuum, unable to handle the continuity errors when so many historical figures from so many different times and places showed up in the same room, collapsed upon itself and they all died. The End. (pause) Bummer.
1 hour, 14 minutes in – Sadly, they all blew up and died. The End. (pause) You’re killin’ me here.
1 hour, 17 minutes in – Unless she can teleport…
1 hour, 18 minutes in – And now, Sideshow Bob starring in Ken Russell’s “Altered States”.
1 hour, 22 minutes in – Ha ha ha! OMG, that is FUNNY!!!
1 hour, 24 minutes in – I think I’d be screaming my head off too. But not for that reason.
1 hour, 26 minutes in – The dedication title card.
(After a moment of appalled silence…)
Wow.

Classic Lines of Dialogue:
“This is it, Albert. The thing that’ll put us Einsteins in the history books! BEER!!!” – Dad
“I would like to eat your suitcase.” – Preston
“Well, see, there are TWO eight O’clocks! One in the morning and one in the evening.” – Yahoo excuses his lateness
“Since mankind came down from the trees, he has sought a formula to put bubbles in beer.” – Preston

Things I Learned from this Movie/Book/Whatever:
* – Don’t ever do experiments on yourself. Look at what happened to Yahoo.
* – If you see kangaroos and cockatoos, and you hear digeridoos and kookaburras, it means that you’re in Australia.
* – Don’t wipe your nose on a lizard.
* – You can diffuse an explosive with music.
* – Anyone you see who has crimped hair has recently been heavily irradiated.
* – If I, sissy pacifist that I am, show open contempt for something, it is in some seriously deep sh__.

Things That Can Save Any Movie:
Cool Creatures?
Cute little endangered Australian animals.
Good Soundtrack? Actually, yes. As with “Freddy the Frog”, you watch this, you get to hear lots of artists not heard from in America since the 80’s. Sad.
Hot Guys? Mmmmm…. Yahoo is sooooooo dreamy…. (Sarcasm is fun.)
Pretty Scenery? The mighty Australian Outback!!!
Nifty Animation/Special Effects/Illustrations? No.

Drinking Game Potential? Drink when you see cute little endangered Australian animals. Drink twice if Yahoo feeds them apples. And drink when you can see the “cigar burns”.

Head Movie Potential? Since the creators of this movie were obviously on some really good drugs, it seems fitting for us to follow suit.

Rating: Jon rating (sucks)
Look it’s Jon again!
Credits
A Serious Film made in 1988 and released by Warner Bros. Pictures. Written by Yahoo Serious and Dave Road and directed by (yup) Yahoo Serious. We have found another soul-brother of Yoram Gross.
Cast
Yahoo Serious and a lot of people I feel bad for.
Related Links
IMDB page

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