Posted by: Mad Ness Monster | 06/27/2009

“The Good Son” review

(10/17/03)

Let’s play the Who is the Most Insane Game! Watch this movie and pick one:
A. The writer of this movie;
B. The director of this movie;
C. Clan Culkin; (hint: This is the correct answer.)

Yeah, here’s some movie trivia for you: Macaulay Culkin’s family went crazy trying to get him involved in this nasty remake of “The Bad Seed”. And this was around the time when his popularity had just peaked. So watch it with that in mind.
The film is very, very disturbing, although it’s too twisted and campy to be as despicable a movie as it could have been. You’ve got Mac as Henry, the evil, evil little kid. I have no idea why his parents wanted him to play this sick little bastard. Personally, if Macaulay was my son, I’d fight to keep my kid the heck away from this movie. Oh, and Elijah Wood is in the movie too. He’s Henry’s cousin and he, I suppose, is the titular Good son.
And I guess you could see the movie as a capsule review of Mac and Elijah’s respective careers. Hey, it’s like the modern day “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane”!!!
EDIT – Even though I have heard that the film is quite good, is it me or do the commercials for “The Orphan” give anyone else a bad “Good Son” flashback?

The Best Parts:
2 minutes in – “Well, Sam, there’s Mordor. Let’s head there in a year.”
3 minutes in – Uh-oh, that’s “Something Tragic is Happening” music.
8 minutes in – They can’t stop there! It’s bat country!!!
11 minutes in – John Carpenter’s lawyers want to have a talk with you, Henry.
13 minutes in – Stupid Fromaway kid.
16 minutes in – Where’s the little vomiting girl ghost?
22 minutes in – If anyone starts a casual conversation like this, f___in’ RUN!
24 minutes in – Skeleton Boy lives!!!
25 minutes in – DMX unavailable for comment.
22 minutes in – Mark, you should f___ing RUN!!!
28 minutes in – Best special effects EVER.
33 minutes in – Run, Mark, f___ing RUN!!!
34 minutes in – Oh, great. Now the dog’s going to kill people with a haunted video tape.
38 minutes in – F___ing RUN Mark!!!
46 minutes in – This is going to be bad.
47 minutes in – Wow, Henry’s an a-hole.
49 minutes in – This is going to be BAD. Wait, why isn’t that clock blinking “12:00”?
51 minutes in – Oh, great. Now I’m going to have nightmares involving Foghorn Leghorn.
53 minutes in – Oh, sh_t…
1 hour, 2 minutes in – Oh, come on!!!
1 hour, 4 minutes in – When did they fix the ladder to the treehouse?
1 hour, 7 minutes in – Aw, I had to do that once in college.
1 hour, 11 minutes in – This is all over a damn tub toy???!!!
1 hour, 13 minutes in – RUN, MARK!!! F___ING *RUN!!!*
1 hour, 17 minutes in – RUN Susan!!!!!
1 hour, 21 minutes in – Huh. Well, bye, Henry.

Classic Lines of Dialogue:
“If I let you go, do you think you could fly?” – Henry (Why did he say that, is that supposed to be sinister?)
“I promise you something amazing, that you’ll never forget. Are you in?” – Henry
“I used to be scared too. Then I found out… That once you can do ANYTHING, you’re free. You can FLY.” – Henry
“Evil is a word people use when they’ve given up trying to understand someone.” – Dr. Davenport

Things I Learned from this Movie/Book/Whatever:
* – Bottomless pits are fun.
* – Come to think of it, kids should NEVER be left unattended. EVER.
* – Xylophones and tambourines do not make for good suspenseful music.
* – Parents: Spy on your kids’ hideouts periodically. You will save yourself a lot of pain later on.

Things That Can Save Any Movie:
Cool Creatures?
That pit bull is a scene-stealer.
Good Soundtrack? No. Actually, the composer should be another contender for our Who is the Most Insane debate.
Hot Guys? No.
Pretty Scenery? New England in the wintertime. *sigh*
Nifty Animation/Special Effects? No.

Drinking Game Potential? Drink anytime Mark should f___ing RUN.

Head Movie Potential? Do you really want to watch an evil little kid while in a drug-induced fog?

Rating: Danny rating (2)
Well, this movie IS bad. But it’s also very campy. Eh, I’ll give it a Danny.
Credits
A 20th Century Fox film released in 1993. Written by Ian McEwan and directed by Joseph Ruben. Culkin wrangler: Susan Hooper.
Related Links
IMDB page
Kindertrauma page
Nostalgia Critic review

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